What do you think of me?

It’s amazing what goes through our minds in our moment of idleness, could it be that we have nothing better to do with our time or we have nowhere to be which can save us from emotional suicide.

Good old Facebook, it will  throw you some  light humour when you least expect. and some downright crazy ones.

My Facebook page can be boring to say the least, so for amusement value, I joined a few “closed” groups, it can be very interesting to see how grown-ups grovel  for recognition, people who would have remained in obscurity if Mark Zuckerberg had not had a brainstorm and created Facebook, suddenly, they are “relevant”, they have an opinion about everything, worse still, they think their opinion  is far superior than any other,  even when they are a total dimwit.

I hailed from a group of people to whom  “unique” takes a different meaning, we are unique in every sense of the word. I doubt if there are  any other group of people like us, that’s not to say I have met every group there is, but we probably come very high or low on the food chain, depending on the angle of consideration.

I know they say God never made mistakes, but a certain part of me just couldn’t help wondering if by any change he could have made a tiny  weenie  bit or we are just a stroke of genius  on a day God decided,  right, let’s create some that are completely out of this world weird! .

when someone ask the question “what do you think of me?” my first reaction is always a hysterical laughter, surely you do not want to know, what would possess you to ask such a suicidal question,  you give the impression that you’re either insecure with low self esteem or you’re egotistical and you’re  tripping.

Since when does it matter what anyone think of you? not unless you make your living from people’s opinion, and there are some well meaning occupation in that category, but on Facebook ? in a group which makes no jolt of difference to your existence?

As you would expect, there is usually 2 camps to this mad circus, those who are For and those who are Against,. This becomes the avenue for causing each other out, messages which used to be sublime now becomes direct, and some cannot handle the heat forgetting that they asked for it.

If you are not matured enough to hear my opinion, why ask for it? I was minding my business before you posted that ill-conceived  thread, and just why do you think you are so important to warrant a space on my mind?

I generally stay out of such discuss, as I doubt very much if you really want to know, the best I have ever given to such thread is “why do you need to know?”  would  you be happy if I say you lack depth or would you like me to say you were the best thing since Warburton’s Toasties, I bet that will make you happy, but that’s not my job, that is something for you to deal with.

What do you think of yourself? If you look in the mirror and like what you see, then stick with it, if not, change it..

If you step on my toes, without mincing my words, I should let you know what I think of you, In the meantime, don’t solicit my opinion.

If you genuinely add value to people, they will seek you out, you don’t need to go looking.

In my opinion, only a fool will ask this question.

Acceptance

Acceptance is the very first step to recover from any problem  – Kaith Schneider

I had planned to write a series  called “gateway to happiness”, not as a qualified psychologist or a counsellor, because I am neither, I am just someone who has done a lot of soul searching and read extensively on the subject of happiness, mainly because I used to go through life ever so unhappy and lived with painful emotions for so long, so much so that I made a conscious decision to put a stop to it. I needed happiness in my life like I need air to survive.

When I read  Kaith Schneider’s article Weathering the Storm http://weatheringthestormbp.com/ I knew it was time for me to write my piece on acceptance as I have been putting it off for a few weeks.

Acceptance is the first step to make any change in our lives, there is no point wishing we were someone else or our life is any different to what it is, or that by some stroke of luck, our family will suddenly mutate into the perfect family, matter of fact, there is no perfect being, we are all created with unique characteristics, and the earlier we accept our situation for what it is, the quicker we can formulate a plan to change the aspects we are unhappy with.

Knowledge they say is power, we spend untold amount of time going through a vicious circle, applying same methods to every area of our lives, methods that has been in our family for generations but served no purpose, how about challenging the status-quo and make a concerted effort to find out as much information about our problem or that thing limiting us from progressing to the next stage. In getting knowledge, you get understanding, when you have all the information about your situation, you are armed with better understanding of your problem and that opens  a wave of possibilities to you.

Denial is the opposite of acceptance, how often do we tell ourselves it’s not a problem, I don’t have a problem, or it’s someone else’s fault. Denial will keep you locked down in an unpleasant place, if you have a health issue, seek help, don’t just deny it or wish it away, the earlier you get help the better for you, it might actually be the difference between life and death.

For years I struggled with my weight, though I was unhappy about it most times, but I convinced myself that it was not a problem, I lived in denial  until it got to the  point where my health was threatened and I  accepted that it is a problem and I needed help to lose the weight. I sought the help of a diet consultant because I knew I do not have the strength to go through it by myself, I needed someone to hold my hands through the process and let go gently whenever am ready to do it by myself. That was 2 years ago, and I haven’t looked back since then, I made positive changes to my diet and exercise regime and I went from a dress size 18 to 12 , suddenly I am confident again and happier with the new me, I now know that I never want to be in that state again.

Acceptance starts from within, accept yourself, if you are unable to accept yourself, how can you expect others to accept you?  understand your strength and your weaknesses,  take advantage of your strong points and work on your weak areas until they get stronger.

Accept your family for who they are, respect their choices, everyone has a right to believe in whatever the feel right to them, accept and respect that, do not try to force you belief on anyone it will only cause frictions and bad feelings between you and them , as if you don’t have enough to deal with. Spend quality time with your nucleus family and appreciate them.

Accept your friends or change your association, there is absolutely no point in hanging around people who are toxic to your life just because you’ve known them since you were in infant school, you need people around you, who makes you feel good inside, people you can talk to freely and share ideas with, people who will not judge you, neither should you judge them.

If you are unhappy about your work, take a holistic view about your situation, and ask yourself some soul searching questions, what does this job mean to you and your family, what is stopping you from where you want to be, if you are limited by your skills, then get some training, in the meantime, make the best of what have until such  time you are able to change your job, it will be detrimental to your health if you go into work every day and you spend most of the day being upset by one thing or the other, it will be worse if you feel trapped, I once had a job I was desperately unhappy at, to cope, I created an alter-ego which I change into as soon as I step into the building and I take off when it’s time to leave, I accepted my situation  as a temporary one and did my job to the best of my ability whilst I kept working on a change which eventually came.

It will be nice if we are able to control every situation, but the truth is, we cannot, certain situation are beyond our control, If we learn to accept them and work within their parameters and make the best of them, then we will hurt less.