How do you kill your own mother?

Honestly, these days, I wonder what is really going on in the world today; surely the cliché that the world is coming to an end is becoming a reality and a very scary one at that.

How do you kill your own mother? That is absurd, an unimaginable abomination, mothers are loved and treasured especially by their sons, at least that is my experience, they dote on their sons and in return, their sons loved to no end.

It was therefore a great shock when I heard in the news that a son had been arrested by the police as his mother lay dead on the floor with an apparent stab wound.

My first reaction was that of sadness, this is a tragedy that no mother and son should ever experience, what could has possessed a child to allegedly stab his mother, I consider the idea that he might be on drugs or he could have had a mental breakdown, either way, it is still very sad.

It wasn’t long before the story appeared on Facebook and sure enough, in our fashion of being an expert in everything without and any real knowledge on anything, my people had plenty to say, some expressed sadness while some were ridiculous in their comments, the most absurd comment been that Nigerians in diaspora cannot raise their children and even suggestion that any child showing signs of trouble should be sent to Nigeria, as if there is some kind of magic that straighten children in Nigeria.

Is this not the same Nigeria, where the moral decadence is legendary? Please spare me.

Some decided to vent their anger on absent dads. Rightly or wrongly, we all have a lot to answer for, when a relationship breaks down, should it be to the detriment of the children? Father or mother, it takes two, however, there is no evidence that the story would have been different had the father stayed, but like Tesco would say “every little helps”

Until I know the full details of this sad and senseless tragedy, I maintain that something tragically went wrong in that family and it came to a head on that fateful day.

The boy has been charged for the murder of his mother and an inquest opened, hopefully more will be known of the tragedy that befell this family and we can all learn a thing or two from it.

Acceptance

Acceptance is the very first step to recover from any problem  – Kaith Schneider

I had planned to write a series  called “gateway to happiness”, not as a qualified psychologist or a counsellor, because I am neither, I am just someone who has done a lot of soul searching and read extensively on the subject of happiness, mainly because I used to go through life ever so unhappy and lived with painful emotions for so long, so much so that I made a conscious decision to put a stop to it. I needed happiness in my life like I need air to survive.

When I read  Kaith Schneider’s article Weathering the Storm http://weatheringthestormbp.com/ I knew it was time for me to write my piece on acceptance as I have been putting it off for a few weeks.

Acceptance is the first step to make any change in our lives, there is no point wishing we were someone else or our life is any different to what it is, or that by some stroke of luck, our family will suddenly mutate into the perfect family, matter of fact, there is no perfect being, we are all created with unique characteristics, and the earlier we accept our situation for what it is, the quicker we can formulate a plan to change the aspects we are unhappy with.

Knowledge they say is power, we spend untold amount of time going through a vicious circle, applying same methods to every area of our lives, methods that has been in our family for generations but served no purpose, how about challenging the status-quo and make a concerted effort to find out as much information about our problem or that thing limiting us from progressing to the next stage. In getting knowledge, you get understanding, when you have all the information about your situation, you are armed with better understanding of your problem and that opens  a wave of possibilities to you.

Denial is the opposite of acceptance, how often do we tell ourselves it’s not a problem, I don’t have a problem, or it’s someone else’s fault. Denial will keep you locked down in an unpleasant place, if you have a health issue, seek help, don’t just deny it or wish it away, the earlier you get help the better for you, it might actually be the difference between life and death.

For years I struggled with my weight, though I was unhappy about it most times, but I convinced myself that it was not a problem, I lived in denial  until it got to the  point where my health was threatened and I  accepted that it is a problem and I needed help to lose the weight. I sought the help of a diet consultant because I knew I do not have the strength to go through it by myself, I needed someone to hold my hands through the process and let go gently whenever am ready to do it by myself. That was 2 years ago, and I haven’t looked back since then, I made positive changes to my diet and exercise regime and I went from a dress size 18 to 12 , suddenly I am confident again and happier with the new me, I now know that I never want to be in that state again.

Acceptance starts from within, accept yourself, if you are unable to accept yourself, how can you expect others to accept you?  understand your strength and your weaknesses,  take advantage of your strong points and work on your weak areas until they get stronger.

Accept your family for who they are, respect their choices, everyone has a right to believe in whatever the feel right to them, accept and respect that, do not try to force you belief on anyone it will only cause frictions and bad feelings between you and them , as if you don’t have enough to deal with. Spend quality time with your nucleus family and appreciate them.

Accept your friends or change your association, there is absolutely no point in hanging around people who are toxic to your life just because you’ve known them since you were in infant school, you need people around you, who makes you feel good inside, people you can talk to freely and share ideas with, people who will not judge you, neither should you judge them.

If you are unhappy about your work, take a holistic view about your situation, and ask yourself some soul searching questions, what does this job mean to you and your family, what is stopping you from where you want to be, if you are limited by your skills, then get some training, in the meantime, make the best of what have until such  time you are able to change your job, it will be detrimental to your health if you go into work every day and you spend most of the day being upset by one thing or the other, it will be worse if you feel trapped, I once had a job I was desperately unhappy at, to cope, I created an alter-ego which I change into as soon as I step into the building and I take off when it’s time to leave, I accepted my situation  as a temporary one and did my job to the best of my ability whilst I kept working on a change which eventually came.

It will be nice if we are able to control every situation, but the truth is, we cannot, certain situation are beyond our control, If we learn to accept them and work within their parameters and make the best of them, then we will hurt less.